3 min read
When the Dust Settles: Finding Support After Loss and Grief
Written By
IUOE
Published On
3 November 2025
When we lose a brother or sister in the union, especially to suicide, our world is rocked. It’s not just a name. It’s a person we worked with, learned from, joked with at lunch, and depended on when things got tight. The shock, the questions, the ache in your stomach or chest that shows up at random times… those are real and normal. They can follow you onto the job, into your vehicle, home at night and in your thoughts when you go to sleep.
This November 22, on International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, we stand with every member and family in Local 101 who’s carrying that kind of loss. We remember. We talk about it, even when the words are hard. And we remind each other: nobody in this union must carry that weight alone.
Did you know...
In 1999, U.S. Senator Harry Reid, who lost his own father to suicide, brought forward a resolution in Congress that would change how we honor those affected by suicide loss. His efforts led to the creation of International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, often called Survivor Day, a day dedicated to connection, healing and hope.
Congress designated the day to ensure that people who have lost someone to suicide would have a time and space to come together, share their stories and support one another. It occurs on the Saturday before Thanksgiving, recognizing that the holiday season can be especially difficult for those living with loss.
The Weight We Don’t Always Talk About
Operating and stationary engineers, mechanics and apprentices do high-stakes work. You make calculations on the fly. You manage heavy equipment and complex systems. You keep people safe, and the margin for error is zero or razor thin at best. That pressure doesn’t magically disappear when you clock out. The heaviness is felt in your body, your mind, and can impact your relationships.
Add grief to that physical and mental load, and everything feels heavier. You might be angry one day, guilty the next and numb the day after. You might replay conversations in your head, wonder if you missed a sign or think, “I could or should have done more.” Those thoughts are common after suicide loss. They don’t mean you failed; they mean you cared enough about someone and wish life had gone differently for them.
In our culture, we’re taught and even expected to be strong, quiet and steady. Those qualities build bridges and schools and hospitals. But there’s another kind of strength that matters just as much: the one that says, “I’m not okay today,” and lets someone stand beside and support you knowing you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
November and December can hit harder than other months, especially in our line of work.
Grief Doesn’t Follow a Schedule
There isn’t a “right way” to grieve. There’s not a schedule for it. Some days you’ll get through just fine. Other days, a song on the radio or a situation on a job site will knock the wind out of you. That doesn’t mean you’re going backward. It means your mind is doing the necessary work to heal.
A few things to remember:
- You’re not broken. You’re human. People leave a mark on us, and that’s not a flaw. It’s proof that that person mattered.
- Numbness is normal. Not feeling anything for a while can be your mind protecting itself. It usually passes.
- Tears are normal, too. So is laughter. You’re allowed to cry and laugh, sometimes at the same time.
If you notice your sleep, focus or patience slipping for more than a couple of weeks, that’s a sign to reach out. It’s no different than hearing a new sound in your equipment. You don’t ignore it and hope for the best. You check it out.
The Holidays and the Winter Slowdown
November and December can hit harder than other months, especially in our line of work. The projects often slow down. The days are shorter and darker. Money gets tighter. Family gatherings can bring up memories, and knowing there’s an empty chair somewhere speaks loudly. If this season stirs things up, you’re not alone. A lot of our members feel the same way.
A few practical things that can help during the slow months:
- Keep a simple routine. Even on off days, get outside, move your body and pick one thing you’ll finish by noon.
- Talk about plans. If certain traditions feel tough this year, say so. It’s okay to scale back or do something different.
- Watch the “self-medicating.” A drink to unwind can turn into a habit that makes sleep and mood worse. If you notice that happening, that’s a good time to call the EAP (more on that below).
Where to Turn When You’re Struggling
Operating Engineers Local 101 has tools, and they’re built for real life. Not a bunch of paperwork or judgment, just help.
Start with a conversation. It doesn’t have to be in-depth. “I’ve been thinking about so-and-so a lot lately” is enough. Sometimes speaking the truth out loud is enough.
Lean on your union. Your hall and reps can help connect you with grief counselors, peer support or small group conversations. If you need a quieter space to talk, say so.
Use your EAP. The Employee Assistance Program is free, confidential and available to members and their families 24/7. Whether it’s grief, sleep issues, anger that won’t let go or help supporting your kids through loss, a professional can meet you where you are. Learn more here: org/eap
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Your career in the skilled trades starts here. The IUOE Local 101 apprenticeship program is looking for its next class of Operating Engineers.
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